Empowering Women at Every Stage

Paula: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to another episode of Chatting with the Experts where I speak with phenomenal women from Africa, from the Caribbean, and in the diaspora. These women share my mission, which is to educate, empower, and encourage women globally. Today’s no exception. And joining me in a few minutes would be a phenomenal woman.
Our title today is Girls Talking At Any Age is Needed, and my guest says she wants to reintroduce herself to the world. She is a publisher. She’s a strategist. She’s a coach and a transformational leader who has spent nearly a decade helping [00:01:00] authors, entrepreneurs, and purpose-driven women bring their message to life with clarity and confidence. She’s also the founder of Empowerment Publishing and Multimedia. And has guided over 200 books into the world, many who are of these books have become bestsellers, not just as publications, but as platforms for impact, for income and for influence. And with that, I want to welcome Dr. Lisa Santiago McNeil to Chatting with the Experts.
Welcome, Lisa. Thank you for being my guest.
Lisa: Thank you so much for having me.
Paula: Wow. This is probably the third time that you are blessed me by saying yes, but you said to me that you wanted to reintroduce yourself so because I’m all about empowering women, encouraging women, [00:02:00] and of course educating women.
I have to say yes. Because when you’re reintroducing yourself, that means there’s something new. So tell us about that.
Lisa: Absolutely. Like you read in my bio, I have been all about women for quite some time, but I realized that I didn’t give the same kind of attention to the women after a certain age. Not because I didn’t give them the attention, but oftentimes I realize we, now that I have reached that age myself, actually stand in the background at a certain age and let the others come up to the front. You know, now it’s time for this person. Now it’s time for that one. And I was so comfortable in that standing back that I realized that I had assumed or accepted that I don’t have any more to give.
Paula: Mm.[00:03:00]
Lisa: And my relationship with God is such that he talks to me.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And he was like, oh, you thought I was finished with you. I didn’t call you home. So why you just think you can do background stuff now? There’s sisters out there that I need you to reach that still have so much to give. I have amazing 80-year-old authors that didn’t just write their books, honey, but they are touring and promoting and coaching with their books at 75, 85, 83 years old. And I actually it took God through them to prove to me that they still had something to say that was not just for themselves or for the old people. You know how like sometimes we leave our elders off into the corner?
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: [00:04:00] And don’t give them the attention that they deserve, that they’ve earned through life. And so reminding myself to remind them, because I had to remind me. I understand not only do they sometimes shrink from their position, we sometimes push them there. And I realized I was shrinking. Yes, I’m still in the front. Yes, I’m still line, yes, I’m still all of those things, but I wasn’t seeking after anything new. I was subsisting, if that makes sense.
Paula: Subsisting.
Lisa: So not, not just existing. I was doing less than existing.
Paula: Wow. You know, that it takes some self realizations, self introspection to come to that conclusion, you know, and, but there’s something that you said that jumped out at me. Well, first of all, the title you said Girls Talking at [00:05:00] Any Age is Needed. In other words, whatever age you are, you need to have that conversation, conversation with starting probably with yourself and then with others, because you said that …
Lisa: Both.
Paula: Yeah. You mentioned about these 80 year olds who are self-publishing or pub, you know,
Lisa: I published their books. They’re not just published, they’re bestsellers.
Paula: Wow.
Lisa: They’re starting coaching businesses at this age where they can show someone about what they’ve already gone through and lovingly guide them through it in a way that someone who just read about it or heard about it can do. The experience is different when it’s learned experience.
Paula: Yes. That’s a big one. The experience is different when it’s learned experience.
Lisa: Mm-hmm.
Paula: Because no journey is wasted and you know, interestingly, I was talking with my daughter before you and I got on the show and she was saying, you know, she was looking back at her young life and saying, you know, there’s some things now that she [00:06:00] understands. And she’s still young, but it’s amazing what she has learned. And you know, the older ones, the young, I mean, the. They’re more mature, the more seasoned, because we mainly talk to women. Their experiences are mind blowing. And someone said, you know what an older person can see on the ground? A child that climbs to the top of the tree can never see. And that’s the truth.
Lisa: Girls talk comes up and allows you to talk about things that might not come up in regular conversation that need to come up. They need to be rolled around. They need to be discussed because sometimes they’re scary and silent.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: We hadn’t spoken in years until we got on the phone last night.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: And we didn’t start with an agenda, we just reconnected. And before you [00:07:00] knew it, things started happening.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: We’re here now as a result of that conversation.
Paula: Absolutely.
Lisa: I’m stepping out as a result of that conversation? Yeah. Oh, you’re stepping out. You’re online every day? Yes, I am, but I’m not by myself.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I’m typically online for the past 10 years with my wonderful husband.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And just being an individual who is still part of a team, but I still have individual gifts and talents. That I often don’t bring out because they don’t fit into the team paradigm.
Paula: Got you.
Lisa: But by helping women to realize that even you don’t have to get rid of your partner, you just have to find a place where you’re willing to show up as your self undiluted.
Paula: You don’t have…
Lisa: and that’s what I’m decided. [00:08:00]
Paula: Yes. And that’s important.
Lisa: It is!
Paula: That’s important. That’s important.
Lisa: Yeah. Some things that men might not ever understand, they might not ever understand why you need to talk about whether it’s these hot flashes that I have to fight with him and remind him, don’t tell me what the temperature of the house is. This has nothing to do with that and I’m not interested in what the temperature of the house is. I am either on fire or I’m on ice, and understanding that that conversation has much more contention when it’s had with him versus an empathetic discussion about temperature with my sister. Who might better understand the conversation, may have a suggestion, may have encountered it, or may at least understand from the experience, no, you’re not crazy, it’s going to pass. Or you’re not crazy, it has nothing to do with the thermostat in your house.
Paula: Yes. [00:09:00]
Lisa: And it helps you to find and regulate your own sanity by having sisters.
Paula: Yes, so true. So true. So this conversation, more or less, from what I’m hearing from you, came from an identity crisis.
Lisa: So I realized that.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: An identity crisis was and is real.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I have been a survivor and thriver for decades.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: Had a very tumultuous first and second decade of my life. And ensuring that I don’t let that hold me down and I don’t let that hold me back has been my, like, my perseverance throughout my whole, that’s what caused the tenacity. That’s what caused the resilience. Right? I’m not gonna ever let that happen, but because of that, I realized that it developed certain toxic traits in my personality.
Paula: Mm-hmm. [00:10:00]
Lisa: That were not welcome, but they were necessary. For my survival at the time.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: Now, entering into a season where I don’t have the same challenges, I don’t have the same issues, but I still sometimes revert back to that fight or flight response.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: My husband said it the other day, we were having a discussion and I realized that sometimes I forget, my husband ain’t like the people who hurt me in the past.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: But sometimes my response to him is like, I’m not taking this from you. I’m not taking nothing from you because I forget that I don’t have to interact with him that way.
Paula: Right.
Lisa: And he said to me, why are you up here? We’re just talking about this. I don’t even disagree with you right now. Like, why are you screaming at me? Why are you cutting off my head? It’s because I was still having an identity crisis. [00:11:00] I’m forgetting that I’m a loving wife in a safe marriage.
Paula: Got you.
Lisa: And so I like to parallel it with the caterpillar and the butterfly. You never saw a butterfly with a caterpillar bow on her neck?
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: She had to leave the caterpillar friends and the caterpillar lifestyle. The caterpillar energy behind in order to fly. And the thing about women is we don’t just do that once. We evolve several times. You evolve from childhood to teenhood, you evolve from teen to tween, you evolve to to adulthood, young adulthood, and all of those evolutions are different. And sometimes who you were in the previous metamorphosis is not [00:12:00] needed in the next.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: But when we don’t allow ourselves to remember that that particular tool, that hammer was to bang nails.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: We got screws up here. We need to go find the screwdriver.
Paula: That’s so deep, Lisa. Yes. That stage, it was the hammer banging the nail. Now we are at a different point of the construction. It’s the screw driver. Yeah. And then you may climb going into the next stage of the construction where you’re painting. So you need a paint brush.
Lisa: Exactly. You need a paintbrush.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: That hammer is not a bit of benefit in your painting stage.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: But understanding that when we don’t recognize that it might look the same.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And it’s not the same. We might still pick up that hammer when we’re looking at a wall that needs to be painted.
Paula: Yeah. [00:13:00] Same house, but different needs.
Lisa: Stage. Different stage and different needs. Right.
Paula: True.
Lisa: I don’t have to destroy the wall right now. I have to decorate the wall right now. And that’s really where the parallel came with skincare and, just skincare and hair, period. I don’t know, you know, that I love doing hair and I love skincare, right? But what I also noticed is that those were also positions that allowed me to be in very personal close proximity with another person.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And that meant that they trusted me enough to sometimes have a very, very personal conversation.
Paula: Mm.
Lisa: That we were able to navigate through together.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: On the journey. And so when you are helping someone to see their beauty from outside…
Paula: mm-hmm.
Lisa: And pour God’s word and God’s light into them [00:14:00] inside.
Paula: Yeah.
Lisa: That creates a change that is really the change you’re after. I don’t care if your hair looks good, if your heart is vibrant, you could look crazy and people will still say this.
Something about her.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: Showing my age, but how often did we love Grace Jones?
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: Right?
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: Because not because she was characteristically beautiful.
Paula: Beautiful. Yeah.
Lisa: In that way. But her presence, her prowess, her strength…
Paula: yeah.
Lisa: Her energy was what we needed to tap into ourselves. Hey, I’m woman too, you know?
Paula: Yeah. Oh my gosh, just calling her name just took me down memory lane and the energy.
Lisa: Absolutely. Yes.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: But we wouldn’t do that today.
Paula: No.
Lisa: But we can still embrace some of that energy [00:15:00] without being Grace Jones. Now we understand the nuances of the beauty. Right now we understand the nuances of it. It’s not about shaving off your head, even though I’ve done that too. It’s not about heavy makeup and glam and all of that. It’s about allowing yourself to see somebody different in the mirror and believe that they have the ability to accomplish anything.
Paula: Yes. And you know, you mentioned that, you have had the privilege of working with people in close proximity, having conversations, and so not just looking at the outside, but the conversations led to you encouraging them so that they, in terms, started to love themselves so that that with that self love, as you talked about from the caterpillar came [00:16:00] the butterfly. And I’ve seen some of the people that you’ve worked with, I’ve seen them grow and glow. Look at that.
Lisa: It’s the biggest report card that I can ever have is seeing the evolution. And let me tell you, I realized this morning as God was giving me the downloads, I realized this morning that there is no blasphemy in being proud of the part that God let you play in the evolution. Right? I know I’m not the Holy Spirit, but I can be Paul or Apollos. I can do my part to help encourage my sisters to support them into the self realization of their greatness.
Paula: Yes, yes, yes.
Lisa: And I can take credit for that part because God put that part in me to do.
Paula: Yes. [00:17:00] Yes.
Lisa: You know, but the ultimate results are from the Holy Spirit.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: They don’t have nothing to do with me. You know? But I’m grateful. I’m still grateful that I get to play any part. Any part.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: God plants, Apollos waters, but the Holy Ghost adds the increase, and I’m telling you to be on the team.
Paula: That’s a privilege.
Lisa: That’s a privilege. I don’t have to be this year’s MVP.
Paula: Yeah.
Lisa: But I am the teammate…
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: Of the one who is well able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or even think.
Paula: Think! That’s the part.
Lisa: According to the power that works in us. And I’m telling you when I think that my power is diminished.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: This was part of my prayer this morning.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I was learning that in the next stage of this [00:18:00] relationship with God, leaning and depending means two different things.
Paula: Clarify that.
Lisa: Leaning… you lean on something when you can’t stand on your own.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: You depend on something when you know it has your back.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: I can still do this in my own physical strength, but I know that if something happens, He got me.
Paula: Yeah. Oh girl, you better preach.
Lisa: So right now, back and forth, back and forth between leaning and depending, realizing there’s no disrespect in depending.
Paula: No.
Lisa: There’s no disrespect in that. I do appreciate the journey where I had to lean on God for my very sanity.
Paula: Yeah.
Lisa: Because I couldn’t see anything else. But it’s different now, and that’s what the identity crisis is showing me. I even get to hear differently.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: Because I’m like, where are you [00:19:00] God? I can’t hear you. You don’t even, you don’t, I don’t feel you.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And He reminded me, you are not a baby anymore.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I told you that you had to desire more. Right? You done had all this milk. It’s time for you to get some steak. So I’m not going to pity pat with you. I’m not going to coddle you every time I see you. I’m here. You are at the age where you should know I’m here. Your father is home. You don’t have to go check and make sure he’s still sitting there.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: He’s there. So it was a change in understanding of the relationship with God. There are certain parts that He expects us to do, but He’s still there.
Paula: And I think, Lisa, and that’s where He enables us to move into the next stage with grace.
Lisa: With grace.
Paula: Yes. Because then you are able to step in knowing [00:20:00] you know that he’s got your back, as you said.
Lisa: Exactly.
Paula: You can depend upon Him. It’s scary, but like for me, that’s a widow, I learned that the future becomes less scary because I know He’s there.
Lisa: That’s right.
Paula: You know? So I’m stepping in. I’m not, I’m still afraid, but I know He’s there. He’s there. He’s there. Absolutely. And that…
Lisa: And some of the messages keep coming back.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: He’s still there.
Paula: And knowing that then you were called for a purpose and that purpose didn’t come from, you didn’t wake up one morning and say, I’m gonna do this. No. You were told you’ve gotta do this, but I’ve got you.
Lisa: Yes. He tells us that He reiterates it over and over again.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: In Jeremiah 29 and 11, He says, I know the plans that I have for you, plans of good and not of evil, that you will have a desired end. He is already purchased a position for, He is already established, [00:21:00] rather a position that He wants us to play. But unfortunately, some of it came with a training session that we didn’t know to appreciate.
Paula: Yes. Because it was hard.
Lisa: Because it was hard, or it hurt or
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: You know, it didn’t feel good.
Paula: No, no. It’s like you had, you were in my conversation with my daughter this morning. Right?
Lisa: The thing is, that’s there’s so much similarity in our lives. Not just you and me, but women, period.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: That we may go through them in a different color. Yes. Through a different lens, but they’re still similar stories.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: The elements are still there. Trials and triumph.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: You don’t recognize a triumph if it wasn’t a trial proceeding it.
Paula: And how can you know something is good if you don’t have anything to compare it with? You know what I mean? You’ve gotta [00:22:00] have something on your, oh, it was better than, okay, so this is good because yesterday wasn’t in comparison to yesterday. Okay. This is good. You know?
Lisa: Exactly. So, exactly.
Paula: Oh my God.
Lisa: And I was challenged to further embark upon finding my identity. You know, like even my things that worked on my skin for years that suddenly didn’t work.
Paula: Mm.
Lisa: I I didn’t understand what older was supposed to look like.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And so I thought older just meant stay home. Nobody have to look at you.
Paula: If anything couldn’t be the opposite.
Lisa: You’re right, but that’s when you embark upon what, or at least for me, when I would embark upon what was appropriate and what I actually needed. Both for my skin, for my hair, for my heart.
Paula: For your [00:23:00] heart. Yeah.
Lisa: For my heart. I started with the external evolution. I’m telling you that it had me in a place of depression because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know who I was changing to. Who’s this old lady that I see in the morning when I look in the mirror? It was very challenging for me.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And the first part of the training, because as you can see right now, I don’t have a lot of makeup on. I have on lipstick. ’cause I think it’s pretty,
Paula: I love lipstick too. That’s why you’re my friend.
Lisa: But learning, even washing my face with a different attitude, I feel like I look better when I look in the mirror. When I wash my face and I’m thinking, oh, I’ll feel better when I put on my makeup. Then I have some contention. But when I have reminded myself that I am fearfully, wonderfully made.
Paula: [00:24:00] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Lisa: Created in the image of God.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And for a purpose. Then even before I put that makeup on and I do put my eyebrows on, honey, lemme say something, but even before I put that makeup on, I can already start feeling rejuvenated.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I can start feeling like a person with purpose. Because I have taken care of the foundation, which is the heart.
Paula: The heart. Yes. Knowing that you are wonderfully and marvelously made in His sight matters.
Lisa: It does.
Paula: It matters every day because then as you say, you’ve taken care of the heart so that when you go out there and you meet people, you can encourage them. You know, sometimes it’s just a smile, Lisa, because your heart is okay. You can look at someone, you can genuinely smile at them.
Lisa: So here’s the part about that when you feel depleted, when I was feeling depleted, I [00:25:00] know that my call, if you will, my call in some terms right, is still there.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: But I had nothing to give.
Paula: Mm.
Lisa: And I was forgetting that I don’t give from myself. I give from my overflow.
Paula: Yes.
Lisa: And the reason why I had nothing to give is because there was nothing pouring into me.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: I had to get refilled first.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: But then I found myself hiding. Literally shrinking because I know, like you said, when you smile at someone, they light up and they smile back. It’s an opening, if you will. It’s an invitation to engage.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: So I felt myself intentionally shrinking, intentionally not smiling.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: Intentionally trying to be as abstract as possible.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Lisa: And if that’s your way, that’s [00:26:00] fine. But it wasn’t my way. But I didn’t believe in myself, so I had to figure out myself because I didn’t recognize myself. It was an identity crisis. It was an like, who are you? You don’t look like who you look like. You don’t feel like who you feel like. You don’t stand up from seated position like you used to. You got aches and pains. Like, who are you? And I’m looking at myself, and I’m not recognizing myself because I’m basing it on an old picture and having to replace and embrace a new stage. It was difficult and it still is. It’s a process. This is a work in process. Part of it is doing it even when it’s uncomfortable.
Paula: Doing it when it’s even uncomfortable. Yes. That’s a big part. And that’s the part that [00:27:00] probably we gonna have when we open up to the audience who have joined us. We can talk more about that.
’cause I’m looking at the time and I know that time matters for you. So for anyone listening to this and who’s not in the audience, who would like to get in touch with you, Dr. Lisa, how can they connect with you online?
Lisa: They can connect with me on all of the platforms and I am Lisa Santiago McNeil everywhere, the real Lisa Santiago or Lisa Santiago McNeil. And if you wanna connect with me directly, you’re welcome to put my phone number out there. It, uh, we’re gonna put it in the chat. Yes. And that’s (704) 493-2035 Or you can connect with me online at linktr.ee/lisasantiagomcneill
Paula: I’ll drop all of that in the chat. And for those of you who are looking at this, if you’d like to be a [00:28:00] guest, just like Lisa was, please reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
I’m also on linkedIn, my professional page there is Chatting with the Experts. I’m on Instagram and my handle there is at chat_experts_podcast. I’m also on Facebook. My professional page there is Chatting with the Experts and I have a YouTube channel. Please reach out to me there. Of course it is Chatting with the Experts. There, you’ll be able to see other episodes of phenomenal women just like Dr. Lisa Santiago McNeil, who have shared and encouraged and empowered other women globally, just like Dr. Lisa has done. So subscribe to the my YouTube channel there, and every week you’ll hear from another woman, just like Dr. Lisa, who also wants to educate, [00:29:00] empower, and encourage women globally just like us. Thank you so much. And now we will open up the floor to other women who have joined us. Thank you.