Empowered to Excel: Our Post-Summit Chat

Paula: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to Chatting with the Experts TV show where I, Paula the host, Paula Okonneh, speak with incredibly dynamic women from Africa, from the Caribbean, and in the diaspora. And they share with me a mission to educate, empower, and inspire women globally. Today’s show is a little different in that for those of you who weren’t aware of this, on Friday, the May 30th and Saturday May 31st, I had a summit called Empower to Excel Virtual Summit, and I had such great feedback from people who, the attendees, in other words, who joined that today I was given everyone an opportunity to come and get to know these dynamic women even more. And so that’s why we are here. So what I will do is ask these dynamic [00:01:00] women to give their own introduction rather than me introduce them and just to say what their name, what they do, and in addition to that, where they are presently based. All right. So to make it easier, I’m just gonna look at the screen and I’m gonna go from my right. And the first person on my right is Dr. Stella Iwuagwu And so, Dr. Stella, do you mind introducing yourself?
Dr Stella: Hi, good afternoon. I’m Dr. Stella Iwuagwu. I am a nurse midwife. I’m public health professional. I am also a farmer and a social entrepreneur. I promote food as medicine. I produce herbs and food and package them. I am currently in Cleveland, but I shuttle between Abuja, Nigeria and Cleveland, Ohio.
Paula: Thank you, Dr. Stella for [00:02:00] joining us today. And now again, going from my left to my right, Suzan Hart, would you mind telling everyone here who you are?
Suzan: For sure. Good afternoon everyone. My name is Suzan Hart. I hail from Ontario, Canada, so Ottawa area. I’m known as the Mindset Mastery Mentor. I work at the intersection between leadership and mindset, so I look at something called Mindset Driven Leadership. And I look at exploring how the stories we tell ourself impact our capacity to lead and create the outcomes we desire in the world. So it’s a lot of work on self-reflection, self-leadership, self-empowerment. I believe that leadership is 20% skills and 80% mindset, and emotional intelligence. And we don’t do much work on the 80%. And that’s where I love to hang out. So that is me. I’m originally from Trinidad since we’re talking about, you know, where in the [00:03:00] diaspora where originated from, but grew up just outside of Montreal, Canada.
Paula: Thank you so much Suzan, and thanks for coming back on after being so such an incredible speaker. And opening for us on Friday. Thank you. And now to my right, going from left to right is Sandy. Sandy Arnette, do you mind introducing yourself and saying, you know, what you do and where you are? Oh, wait. And where you’re from in the diaspora.
Sandy: Sure. Welcome everyone. It’s good to meet everyone and thank you Paula. She’s always so gracious to invite women together who are like-minded and trying to accomplish some great things. I’m Sandy Arnette. I’m president of Arnette Media Strategies. That is a public relations consulting firm. I’m based in Maryland, over 30 years of experience in public relations, and I love working with clients. Helping them develop their story, develop [00:04:00] their message, get the word out about what they do. A lot of folks are doing great things out there, and I try to help them communicate that by giving, you know, getting them placed on TV and radio, maybe articles, or thought leadership content in some of the print publications.
And of course, we always reach out to our online platforms like, Paula’s podcast, so we work there as well. So it’s like I said, I’m in Maryland. It’s something I’ve been doing a long time and I have a passion for. So it’s very nice to meet each and every one of you.
Paula: Thank you so much, Sandy. Again, welcome, welcome, welcome. And I know you always have something great to share. Even when we meet one-on-one, I always learn something new from you. So thank you. And continuing from left to right, Dr. Ayo Adenuga. Welcome.
Dr Ayo: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me today. So this is Ayo Adenuga. I’m a [00:05:00] Clinician, public Health Consultant. I’m the founder of IA Impact Consulting and Life 360 program. A lot of middle managers or executive leaders experience a lot of burnout. They also struggle with communications and going to the next level, some with ageism. Many of them have children that are either teenagers or young adults. And so the struggle between being present and excluding executive presence at work, going to the next level and having a life of impact. So what I do it’s inspire and to equip emerging leaders, middle managers, and executive leaders to own their voice. I inspire and equip them to be able to lead with clarity, communicate with confidence, and actually lead to achieve a life of impact both in their homes and also at the office.
And I’m here to solve that problem to really work with people that are purpose driven, [00:06:00] that want to really live a life of legacy. So this is Ayo Adenuga again. I’m really happy to be here and to work with people. I live in Maryland and I’m happy to hear that Sandy also stays in Maryland. Nice to meet you here. And so thank you everybody. Yeah.
Paula: Dr. Ayo. I didn’t know you lived in Maryland. I thought you lived in Pennsylvania. No, you are. You’re muted.
Dr Ayo: No, it’s Nma that stay in Pennsylvania. I stay in Maryland. Yeah.
Paula: Okay. See, I said one of the things I say is I learn something new every day. So this is something new that I’ve learned today. Alright, so I gotta meet up with you. I didn’t know you were here in Maryland.
Dr Ayo: Yes, yes. We should connect.
Paula: Yes, absolutely. Oh my gosh. Alright. And so for those who joined Sola and Constance, today’s meeting is all different. So, i’m not sure how many, well, I know Constant was at the summit, but Sola, I don’t think you [00:07:00] joined us on that day. So what we were doing today was that a lot of people had expressed interest in reconnecting or having an opportunity to speak even a little bit more with the dynamic speakers that we had on friday and Saturday. That’s May 30th and 31st. And I didn’t have a chance to really prepare or invite my other guests… normally I have a brand new guest.
So I thought, okay, well what we can do is bring some of the speakers back on if it’s convenient for them, so that those who expressed wanting to have a one-on-one with them would be able to do that. Like life sometimes happens. The link that went out is wrong today. And so we don’t have many people who are able to join, but we have Sola and we have Constance. So what we are doing is asking everyone who joins to just say who they are, what they do, and what part of the world they are in, and if they’d like to also share where they’re originally [00:08:00] from, because not everybody is from Maryland. I’m from Maryland. People are from other places. Sola, would you like to, I’m going from my left to my right. Would you like to unmute and introduce yourself, please?
Sola: Sola Williams. I’m from Beinin, Edo State. I live in South Carolina and I’m retired.
Paula: You’re retired.
Suzan: Congratulations.
Paula: Thank you so much, Sola, for joining us today, all the way from South Carolina. Woo-hoo. And Constance, would you mind unmuting and letting everyone know where you’re from?
Constance: Hi everyone. It’s good to see some of your faces again from the summit. I really enjoyed it and I’ve reached out and talked with a couple of you, so I’m looking forward to following up with each of you. But I’m Constance Howard. I currently live in Waldorf, Maryland, which is everybody knows where a national harbor is in the MGM studio. [00:09:00] So I’m not far from there, but I’m originally from upstate New York.
Paula: Originally from upstate New York. And you’re also in Maryland?
Constance: Mm-hmm.
Paula: So there, five of us here from Maryland. We’re dominating today. Huh?
Constance: There you go.
Paula: Alrighty. So, as I mentioned, this is not the normal, or this is a different show today. It’s not the normal one that where I spotlight a speaker. So the format will be, I’m actually going to have an open format so that, you know, we get to know each other, we get questions from Sola, and Constance are the only two who weren’t speakers that day.
And then we can ask each other questions, if you don’t mind. So, without much ado, who would like to go first? I mean, Constance, I know normally has questions to ask. And she said she didn’t get to speak with everybody. So, Constance, do you have a question for any of these speakers [00:10:00] here? Because as I said, it’s just kind of open mic today, for want of a better word.
Constance: I think my question, all of you entrepreneurs in some sense, how do you keep your mindset from wandering to what isn’t real, which is maybe a lack of client, a lack of business?
Suzan: Okay.
Constance: To, you know, what’s real and how do you, I’m sorry. Keep your mind on your passion.
Dr Ayo: Hmm.
Suzan: Great question.
Dr Ayo: I can start and, Suzan and others can put that in. So, what have discovered is for entrepreneurs. You need to one, be clear on what your goals are and what your passion is and what you really want to do. Now passion is what you really love to do. Talent is what you know how to do, right? But your purpose is what you need to be doing, and you have to know what your [00:11:00] purpose is, which is an intersection of those three things. You know, you love to do it even if you’re not paid for it. You’re doing it, you’re passionate about it, you can do it. And then you know that you have a goal to improve the lives of people out there, right?
The other thing is people are focused on the outputs, how many likes did I get? How much money was I paid rather than the inputs? What am I doing to reach out to the people that are my avatar? Right? And that is real. You can control that. You can control how many podcasts you do. You can control how many people reach out to, you can control, I mean, you can control what your outputs or your input into your business, which is real, right? Versus what might not be real. Sometimes even on social media, some people look through what you post, but they didn’t give a like, right? Some people they got impacted by your message or your services or your product, but they never reach back to you.[00:12:00]
So entrepreneurs focusing on the input is so important, and having a system in place is also super important because when you don’t have a scheduled time, you find out that you do things when you really feel like doing it. It’s not where you feel like doing it. You do it because you have to do it, right? You have a schedule, you keep to it, and you move on. The third thing that helps most entrepreneurs is you can’t do it alone. You can’t do it alone. You have to seek somebody to either help you so I can focus on what you really know how to do best. Like if you are creating content, great content. I find out that what makes me slower is editing my videos or doing all those thumbnails. It takes me time. I want to make it perfect and all, but now I got a solution.
I got somebody to just edit it, or sometimes I produce it and I push it. I push it out without being stalking, I have to make it perfect. So those are the things that I would give out to you. [00:13:00] And really having a structure in place is so super important in making sure that you keep it real. So, that is my first branch. Others can contribute because there’s limited time. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Sandy: I’m happy to jump in. I think, you know, your points are excellent and I know with starting my business, it really was linked to my passion and what I felt I was good at doing. I had been doing public relations many, many years, had been doing it for free for a lot of people. And then someone said, you could do this as a business, you know, why don’t you start a business? And I started giving it some serious thought. But I think with it being my passion, I really just love when you can get that big media hit and just to see a client just light up, you know, because their story is out there, their message is out there.
So that’s it for me. I mean, it’s just like, and then just because the media landscape is constantly changing, [00:14:00] you’re trying to, you know, keep up with everything. You’re trying to keep those relationships. Like I was at an event yesterday evening, a reporter from one of the major papers in our area just wrote a book and, you know, they had a little invitation reception. So I went out and supported it, but that was my time to spend time with that reporter and other reporters at that paper, the managing editor, the publisher, and just build those relationships. So they’ll say, you know, I remember you sent something to me today we’re gonna look at to see how we can get this covered for you.
So it’s just the relationships that you build and then the results that you drive for your clients. But it has to be something that you enjoyed doing? I started my business part-time, so I was still working, committing a lot of time early in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evenings and on the weekends. But if it’s your thing, you don’t mind doing that. But it has to be, you know, you have to have passion. ’cause then you’ll give the time and the energy that it deserves. [00:15:00] That’s my thought.
Suzan: Great, great addition, I think I’ll jump out and add to what these two, beautiful women have already put in the space. And Constance, you said two things that are really intriguing. You said how do you manage your mindset and how do you keep yourself from having those doubts and knowing what’s real and what’s not? And I think that’s a really key question. And I always refer to the my mindset as the stories I tell myself about what is. And half the time my stories aren’t real. They are what I made up because when the mind doesn’t have an answer, it just makes stuff up. So for me, the first thing is what is the conversation I’m having with myself and can I interrupt that conversation and replace it with something that serves me?
The place I go to is that, I have this belief that everything is happening for my greater good. So if something is not happening right now, it’s either not my time or there’s a place I have to grow, expand, or [00:16:00] become more to be prepared for what is in store for me. I truly believe that what’s mine is already mine and that what’s standing in the way of what’s mine is my transformation, my growth, my expansion. So I’m always like, what is it that I need to learn? What is it that, how do I need to grow? How do I need to expand to become the person that can achieve the thing I want? That’s the first thing I’ll say to you. I think the second thing is someone said that our emotions like feeling like doing something and actually doing something is two very different things.
And one of the things you’ll learn, I’ve learned as I’ve gone on this journey is a lot of times I don’t feel like doing it. So I’m a big person with rituals and routines. What are the rituals and routines that I can consistently and persistently put in place that actually take me out of my emotions so that I can get up and get to it? Because I know what I’m supposed to do every day. So I plan my day, the day and night before I commit to what I’m gonna [00:17:00] do. And my number one value is integrity. I’m gonna do what I say I’m gonna do, whether I feel like doing it or not. And I play this game called The Integrity Game with myself.
And am I in integrity at the end of the day? And I celebrate that. So it’s about what’s your rituals and routines that hold you to your word, even when your emotions are saying, don’t do it. Do something else. All those things. And the third thing I will say to you is, it’s called the Gap in the Game, and it’s actually a great book, but I think we can have a gap mentality or we can have a gain mentality. So the gap mentality is we look down the road and we say, oh, look at all the things that haven’t happened yet. Look at all that I haven’t accomplished all these different things. And that is discouraging when we could actually have a gain mentality and a gain mentality in my mind is like I turn around and I go, look how far I’ve come.
And look at all that I’ve learned and look at how much I’ve grown and now I’m going to use that knowledge to propel me [00:18:00] forward to the next place. And I think entrepreneur is just a personal development journey. Like it’s constant. And so we’re either growing or expanding or we’re shrinking and dying. And I think when you hit that gap or that struggle, it’s because you’re at the end of who you know yourself to be. And it’s just a let’s grow to the next step. Let’s grow to the next thing.
Paula: I hope that…
Constance: I’m loving these answers. Thank you.
Paula: All right. Okay. Okay. So Nma, who just joined? As you know, Nma, this is a episode that’s a little different from my normal one. In that, I got such positive response from the attendees at the summit, and they asked if they could have an opportunity to kind of do an after party with the incredible dynamic speakers that I had on. And so I asked all speakers if they could join us today, and some of course, because it was last minute were [00:19:00] able to join us and some weren’t. But because apparently I had a technical hitch in which the link that went out today was incorrect, we don’t have as many people who attended, here with us today.
So what we will do is we can talk about ourselves. We have two people Sola and Constance, who weren’t speakers. And so we opened up the floor to anyone who has questions for all of us here. And, Constance just asked a question, which Dr. Ayo, Sandy and Suzan just so professionally answered. So, Nma was a speaker and what I would ask for you to do right now, Nma, is introduce yourself if you don’t mind, and then, Constance or Sola, any one of us can still ask you questions as it comes up. So over to Nma. You are muted.
Nma: Yeah, sorry, I was [00:20:00] trying to find the mute button on my phone. I apologize. So, my name is Nma Emeh and I am a body image confidence speaker and coach. Prior to this, I worked in corporate for over 15 years in finance and operations, and I’m excited to be here. For those who weren’t there on Saturday, my topic was on being Clothed in Strength and Anchored in Truth.
And basically I talked about how fitness, posture and public speaking reflect the spirit of a woman rooted in God’s word. So, lots of tips there on what that looks like in, when you take care of your body, when you are mindful of the way you enter a room, literally, physically, and then also just your overall persona and what you bring when you show up, and how you interact with people, how you speak to them. So yes.
Paula: Awesome. Two [00:21:00] questions I didn’t ask you to share with the audience is like, where are you from? Where do you live and where are you originally from?
Nma: Oh, I live in the suburbs of Philadelphia. We moved here about two years ago from Las Vegas, which is my happy place, believe it or not. I know, but Las Vegas has a bad name, but it was where we live. I loved it. It was so much fun and very wholesome place called Summerlin. And where am I from originally? Nigeria from Abia State, the East.
Paula: Okay. Welcome, welcome.
Nma: Thank you.
Paula: And Turiya, you didn’t have a chance to let Sola and but Constance and the rest of us know about you please.
Turiya: Yes. Great afternoon everyone. Actually, I’ve had the opportunity to have a call with Constance, you know, since, yeah, since the summit. So, and I got [00:22:00] on to her invitation for Angela Durant the other night. So, Constance, thank you for being the giver that you are and sharing that opportunity with me to jump on and join that webinar. And so everyone, I’m Turiya Hodge, social media strategist and what I do is help coaches and consultants, shine by getting their authentic message into the marketplace so they can attract what I like to call their divine clients. And so I have to say ladies, I am honored. And I am humbled to be a part of the platform with such amazing, oh my gosh, amazing women.
The information, the insights, the expertise that you ladies shared on the summit was just absolutely amazing. I wanted to, as you were speaking, Nma, I hope I’m pronouncing it correctly. One of the things that stood out for me is what you said on the summit. You talked about your preparing your body for where you’re [00:23:00] going. You know, and that especially hit home, you know, for me, because I remember the time I had the opportunity to attend an event and I was sitting in the front row and the speaker was on the stage and she was actually laboring to present.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Turiya: And right then I made a decision. I was like, oh my gosh, right? I do not want that to be me. And so as I listened to your presentation on Saturday, it was such a great reminder that to take care of the vessel, we have to be steward’s of the vessel because if the vessel is not taken care of, then we can’t do what we’re purpose to do. So thank you so much for sharing that as well.
Nma: Aw, thank you so much. Appreciate you sharing that and I’m so glad it resonated. That’s good to know. But yes, one of those people that truly believes in preparing before you get to where you are trying to go, you need to look and act the part.
Turiya: Yes.
Nma: Back to what, Ms. Suzan said [00:24:00] about the mindset because there’s just something about preparing your mind for where you’re going that kinda gives you that boost of motivation to keep at it, even on those tough days. So something that I try to do, even though most of my work I do at home, I try and dress the part, like have a blazer on, keeps me in the right mindset, keeps me professional, and also reminds me that this is a job. It may not be in the highrise building I was in before, but one day I might just own the highrise building.
Turiya: There you go.
Nma: If I just keep going, so yes. Thank you so much for seeing that Turiya.
Turiya: Awesome. Yeah it was such an amazing summit. I really enjoyed, and like I said, I am honored to, you know, just be able to work alongside Paula to make it happen. Grateful to have the opportunity to share my knowledge and my expertise as well. So amazing.
Paula: All right. So Sola you, unfortunately, were not able [00:25:00] to attend the summit on Friday and Saturday. I wanna give you an opportunity to ask any question that if you had attended, you might have wanted to ask. Am I putting you on the spot?
Sola: I don’t have any questions. Just listening. Just listening is enough. I know one of the things is what Nma was talking about, which is being physically ready, you know? As far as your body and your mind and your spirit, that’s something that I struggle with. I hate exercise with a passion. And, what I would want to know is, you know, how do you get motivated? You know, I place memberships with these exercise places and stuff, and I might go one or two times and, you know, my money’s just wasted. But physically I feel it. And if I don’t get on the bandwagon with getting my body physically fit, you know, I’m gonna quickly go down, [00:26:00] you know, go down hill. So, what I wanted to find out is how do you motivate yourself, you know, when it comes to getting that body fit, you know? Wanting to do exercises and things, you know, that will prepare you mind, body, and spirit.
Paula: So, Nma, I think that question is directed towards you.
Nma: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Sola. That’s a very good question, and just so you know, you’re not alone. A lot of us struggle with it, myself included. But you know, what has worked for me is, yes, I signed up for so many gyms. And like you, I would start off hardcore, be there every day, and then one week later, two weeks later, it’s like I cut down to three days, to two days, then zero.
But what I have told myself, and again, [00:27:00] I go back to what Ms. Hart said earlier was that you gotta start… for me, I start small. I set goals for myself every day, and right now as I’m speaking to you, I have a TRX suspension ban on the door. And I try and do something every day. I don’t try and say, I’m gonna run a mile today ’cause that’s not gonna work. But I challenge myself to do something physically and some for more physical exercise for myself every single day because it’s not just about getting my physical body in shape is also about my mindset. There’s something about walking outside in the sun on a nice day, that resets your mind and puts you in a much better mood than you would’ve been.
So it’s again, just moving away from the physical benefits of weight loss or exercising to the [00:28:00] wholesome benefit, as in it improves your mindset, your perspective on life, just giving you fresh air. It breaks up the monotony of sitting in my office for eight hours. It gives me a chance to go and appreciate God’s creation and discover new things on our property that I would normally ignore, you know? But in doing that, I’m getting in my steps and if I get to 10,000 steps, great. If I don’t, at least my mindset is in a better place and I’m not snapping at my kids. So I think my point is don’t put too much pressure on yourself. What is the least amount of thing you can do each day? Is it just to walk outside for 10 minutes or on, and another thing I do now is. There are certain friends I know when I call them, their calls are gonna be long.
So grab my phone, earpiece, go outside, be walking around as I’m talking to them. Or if it’s [00:29:00] one of my sisters, I get in 10,000 steps, but I also build a closer connection with this friend or with this sister or brother who needs me at that moment. So there, so my point is don’t put pressure on yourself, Sola. Start with something small and something is better than nothing. It was, what’s her name? Priscilla Shirer’s sister that said that, I’ve forgotten her name. Anyway, she said something is better than nothing, so just start with something every day. And you, you build toward, you build it up over time. I hope that helps.
Sola: Yes, thank you.
Nma: I’m literally looking down at your picture. If it looks like I’m looking, I’m looking at your picture.
Sandy: Alright. You know, I was curious too, what did they say? How many days, once you’re doing something, it starts a habit, like you then get in the pattern of doing it. Is it like… what was it, 16 days or, I can’t remember what it was…
Paula: 21. [00:30:00]
Nma: They said Yeah,
Sandy: 21. Yeah.
Nma: Oh, I heard 30, but, okay. I’ll take 21 days.
Suzan: Can I add something from a mindset perspective that might help Sola?
Sola: Yes.
Suzan: So one is I think the big question is why. Why are you wanting to exercise? Like, what’s the driver behind that? And oftentimes we think, well, I need to get in shape. But that’s not exciting really. And that’s not really the why. So if you extrapolate out and ask yourself, I have a vision for my life. Who am I required to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, to hold that vision and participate fully in that vision? What’s probably gonna happen is your why is gonna be a little different. So it might be I wanna be able to roll around on the ground and chase my grandchildren. I wanna be able to… I want to be able to ballroom dance when I’m like 70 and 80 [00:31:00] years old. That’s, I don’t know. I have that perception in my head with some fine looking man.
That’s one of my drivers. I have things in my life I want to do and my health is a foundation for that. So first thing I’d say is anchor it in a why.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Suzan: That is worthy of your life and getting you up and doing something I’ve seen. The second thing is, I think it really is helpful to redefine what this thing called health and wellness is. So when I work with my clients, I say it’s an expression of your self-love.
Nma: Mm-hmm.
Suzan: Your self-respect and your self-care. And the reason I say that is because we’re so conditioned that health is about fixing something that’s broken or not working.
Nma: Mm-hmm.
Suzan: We’re perfect exactly the way we are. The question is how well do we take care of who we are and what we are in the world. So when you take care of your health and you go outside and you walk for five minutes, take a deep breath, stretch, [00:32:00] you just actually loving on yourself and caring for yourself and respecting yourself. So my question is, Suzan, are you willing to stop, put you first and love on your self care for yourself and demonstrate some self respect? That’s my driver.
Turiya: Awesome.
Paula: Why? I love it.
Constance: I love it.
Nma: Love it.
Constance: If I could jump into this discussion, I remember when I left corporate America, I felt like I was so depleted and I wanted a complete transformation and I went from being a corporate person to being an entrepreneur. And that was a mind shift. And, but part of it, was my identity. How did I want to identify myself?
Turiya: Mm-hmm.
Constance: And I didn’t want to, you know, I literally sat down and made a list of how I wanted to be perceived, not just from the outside world, but how I wanted to feel inside of me, like what resonated with [00:33:00] me. I wanna suggest a book that really helped me, which was Atomic Habits. And that really goes into you, defining like what is your identity? And at the time, I think I was over 200 pounds, but I didn’t wanna be like, yes, I wanted to fit in all the clothes that were in the back of the closet. I wanted to fit in to those things. But my driver in that was that I wanted to be lean and strong. I wanted to know that if I had the walk, you know, three or four miles because my car broke down or anything like that, that I could do it no problem. I wanted to know that I could go on vacation and, you know, do whatever on vacation and not be like, oh, my knees are hurting me, or my back is hurting me. So, you know, it goes back to what Ms. Hart was saying about what is your why? Who do you wanna be?
Turiya: Mm-hmm.
Constance: How do you wanna be [00:34:00] identified? Who is it on the inside? So I know that I went on one too many vacations and I’ve gained some weight back. But you know what I tell myself that is not the person that I’m want to be. I don’t identify as that person. I identify as somebody who is healthy, who is strong, who can move. I can move my body and yes, I can fit in that little dress. So when people say, how old are you? I can say I’m 70. And be proud of it.
Suzan: Mm-hmm.
Constance: Atomic Habits. That’s a really good book, James Clear.
Paula: Atomic Habits, James Clear. All right.
Nma: Very good book.
Paula: Dr. Stella has had a hand up for a while. Dr Stella, you had something to say?
Dr Stella: Everybody’s contribution has been wonderful, but from my perspective of food as medicine. I cannot help but bring that conversation in. So if moving is one of the things you [00:35:00] want to accomplish, you could all, now somebody gotta be at the door. Hold on please. You can move through gardening. Now is planting time. You can have watered gardens. You can have raised gardens. Well talk about gardening. I just got to delivery of a beautiful pomegranate.
Paula: Ooh.
Dr Stella: Yeah. Oh God. I wish, I think next time we’ll do this, I need to take you guys a tour of my garden.
Paula: Yep.
Dr Stella: Let me see. So, gardening is something that I’ve found to be a very interesting way of moving productively. I resent having to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill and go nowhere when I could use that energy to do a lot of amazing things, you know? So gardening either for food or for flower and beauty or both can be an interesting way of accomplishing that. I don’t know if you guys can see [00:36:00] that. That’s my factory. And I’ve got, there is another factory, and look at my tomato over there. I have a raised garden over there and my daughter likes the flowers, so she’s in charge of the flowers. I’m in charge of the herbs and food.
Turiya: Nice.
Dr Stella: If I take to the back of my house, you’ll also see many more plants. I grow my food. And the act of nurturing your plant is an interesting way to get a lot of exercise in. You know, if you spend down to pick up 10 weeds, you’ve done 10 sports.
Paula: I like that perspective, and you’ll keep that in mind.
Nma: I love that.
Dr Stella: You’ve done 10 sports and then you are in the sun. You are connecting with the earth. It is just purposeful. You won’t even realize you’re getting an exercise.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Dr Stella: And this is exercise that is so productive in many ways. Another way that I get my exercise in is dancing. [00:37:00] You know, I could sit in my wheelchair and just rock away. Whatever you are moving, just move it. You go that way. You go away. Just move something. And I love to dance, so praise, worship. Wake up in the morning, you said at that quiet prayer time, you’re sitting there on knee in there somewhere. You’re not moving. You can actively pray. Active prayer. You are dancing, you are worshiping, and my music is booming and you can’t help. Before you know you worked at a sweat for 30 minutes. When I have conversation with my class, why don’t you start a dancing competition, especially in today’s social media? That could be a family fun thing. Bring daddy in. Bring mama in, bring the kids. Let’s go to old school dance. Let’s who will beat the other? So active fun. So what exercise is fun is something you look forward to. So let’s find a way to not make it something old that you gotta do for help. Let it be fun. Go bowling.
You [00:38:00] know, when was the last time you got went bowling? When was the last time you got ice skating, go into nature walk, go hiking. The day I went into the Holden Arboretum, you walk around, you see the flowers, you see different plants. You will not even realize you exercising. Connecting with nature. You are in the sun, so try and find, like my sister said, make that call while you work, pray while you work. Dance as part of that moving whatever. I remember one day I went to a party and I was on my wheelchair and people were just sitting there drinking and looking just miserable. I say, Hey, can you lend me your legs? And we just keep moving. Be thankful that you can move.
Paula: Yeah.
Dr Stella: Be prayerful. Let your activities be in worship. We say our body is the temple of God. How do you wanna leave that temple? What do you want to honor that temple? Use that body to honor God. Dance to the glory of [00:39:00] God. If it’s to other music, even your jazz, you can move to slow jazz. You can sit in your couch and just keep moving. Before you know it, the spirit of the dance will connect with you because sometimes we forget to have fun. So…
Turiya: yeah.
Dr Stella: You can garden, you can dance, you can walk. Just make it whatever you do. Make it fun. The other day I joined a drumming group. We just go there. I can’t dance, of course I can’t get up and dance, but I can drum. So whatever you can move, move it. And my daughter was dancing. I can’t even remember the day she got out, but I was able to get her dancing. That day she slept so well and that was the beginning of her journey. So join a drumming group. Find hobbies that get you up and going so you won’t be looking at it.
Oh, I got a do. No. Make connection even through exercise. Work with groups of people. Find people that you connect with. You know, actually at this time of the year, I love connecting with nature. We go to the water parks, [00:40:00] you play with kids. Know who says there’s a group of 70s, 50 and above, Grandma club, they’re playing football. I don’t know if you guys heard about that. They met in South Africa from all over the world.
Paula: Woah!
Dr Stella: At that age! So it’s never late. You can join a volleyball team. Do it for the fun, do it for your health, do it for the connection. Thank you very much.
Turiya: Awesome. Oh, I love that, Dr. Stella. Thank you for all of the beautiful reminders.
Paula: Yes. Beautiful. Beautiful.
Dr Stella: I just saying that we grow old because we stop playing.
Suzan: Mm-hmm. Very much so. Yeah.
Dr Stella: We grow old because we stopped playing. You know, my name is Stella and they say, oh, have you watched the movie? Has Stella got her group back? So this Stella is not losing her group at all.
Turiya: Love.
Paula: I love it. I love it. I love it. And what you said, you know, when you, when life, what’s it when [00:41:00] life throws you lemons make lemonade?
Dr Stella: It’s lemonade. And you can sell it and make money.
Paula: Oh yes, the lemonade. You can make money with that. Right? Oh boy.
Dr Stella: And share it and create love and connections.
Paula: I love what you’re doing because for some of you who don’t know Dr. Stella’s story, do I have the okay from you to share that?
Dr Stella: Yes, go ahead.
Paula: So she was in a terrible accident. I dunno how many years ago in Nigeria, which has left her in a wheelchair, but that has not kept her bound in any which way. As you can see, she’s attending parties, she’s gardening, she has a flourishing business. She farms, she gardens, she has products that she sells, teas and lots more. She hasn’t let that keep her down in any which way. And so that was one of the reasons that inspired me to ask her to be a speaker on the summit, you know, for her to share about how to create a successful international business in spite [00:42:00] having some disabilities.
And so, you know, Sola, that your question sparked a lot of answers. And I love the one of dancing. I wake up in the morning and instead of sitting down quietly. Praise the Lord on your feet, run up and down the stairs. In this house where I am, there are many stairs and we have some people who don’t walk. They run and jump and I’m like, come on, respect your age. But now you say, so I think I’m gonna join, run and jump as can… as it’s safe enough for me.
Dr Stella: Not too much because of your knee. So at a certain age you don’t need high impact exercises. So we need to be kind to the knees.
Paula: That’s so true. Yeah, that’s so true. My knee’s so much better now. For those of you who didn’t know, I fell and hit my knee and that was probably the best thing that happened because the doctors couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t go down. I tripped on something, fell, and that knee is as straight as a [00:43:00] rod. Now nobody can give any explanation other than that was a divine fall. Oh boy. Well, ladies, I want to be respectful of the time. We didn’t get the attendees as much as we, as I anticipated we would’ve had, but we got each other. And there’s nothing better than company with those who you enjoy being with. And I enjoy being with all of you ladies. There’s one question in the chat though. Oh, that Sandy put here. What’s one lesson you had to learn the hard way in business and how did it shape the way you lead today? Do you have enough minutes to answer that? Anyone wants to take that? That’s a good question though.
Dr Stella: Could you repeat the question please?
Paula: What’s one lesson you had to learn the hard way in business and how did it shape the way you lead today?
Dr Stella: Well one of the hard lesson I learned, if I could take that, [00:44:00] especially with my business, which I couldn’t do solo ’cause sometimes I wish I could do solo. My business requires dealing with so many people at different levels. The farm hands, the attendance, the technical people, the mechanics, the, gosh, I can’t deal with so many people. So the lesson learned the hard way was allowing my frustration to impact how I talk to people. You know when things are not working right and you are putting in so much, especially in agric business, there’s so much loss and you’re so complex. And then of course, plus my disability, you’re so completely dependent on other people.
You have what you wanna do. You could easily have gone ahead and done it yourself or you can’t there, so you’re depending on other people. So I learned to be kinder to people. I learnt that people can walk at my pace. I learnt that I’m extraordinary and that people cannot walk with my pace, you [00:45:00] know? So I had to slow down to walk at their pace and gradually pull them up to my pace.
Before then I get so irritable, I get frustrated and I lash out, and then they would said, oh, Ma, the way you talk. It’s almost like we never do anything good, you know? And that was so discouraging. And I too, I need encouragement. So they want encouragement from me, and I’m asking them, if you could do this a little bit, I could also, I need encouragment because it’s so frustrating because you’re bearing the cost of everything that is going wrong. You’re bearing the cost of their mistake. So I have to carry all my frustration and hand it over to God.
I say, God, you are my source of comfort. You are my source of encouragement. Encourage me so I can be a source of encouragement to the people that work with me so that they can have the self-efficacy to be able to step up to the plate. Because especially in places where the work [00:46:00] ethic is poor, it can be quite challenging when you have to work with people. So I’m learning to be more patient. I’m learning to be more gentle. It’s still work in progress.
Paula: That’s awesome. I love that answer. I love that answer. Anybody else? Oh, somebody just joined us. I can tell you what mine was. Mine was, you know, trying to do everything myself. Not realizing that there’s a power in delegation and there’s even so much more power in collaboration because I don’t have the answers to a lot of things. A hard lesson I also learned apart from, as I said, delegation and collaboration. Probably they come hand in hand is because I was so afraid. For those of you who were there on Saturday, you heard my story. I was afraid to show up. I was afraid, oh my gosh, what do people say about my accent, et cetera.
Until I realized that that was [00:47:00] keeping me back, people needed to hear my story. And so because of that, that has enabled me to now lead in the sense of now having a podcast which has developed into a community, a community of you awesome women, and knowing that sharing, delegating, and collaborating is more of an advantage to me than a disadvantage, has enabled me to be where I am today. I couldn’t have done it if I did not come to that realization. I couldn’t have done it if I kept just keeping to myself and thinking, oh, I have to do this all by myself. But by opening up being vulnerable, and then of course, as I said, delegating and collaborating, I’m able to do what I do now. So I hope that answers that question. Alright, anyone else?
Nma: I would say for me, one thing I’ve learned in my entrepreneurship journey is that [00:48:00] failure… one of the ladies said it, I’ve forgotten her name on Saturday, one of the doctors. But anyway, it was that failure is feedback. It’s not the finish line. And so just learning to accept some areas where I may have failed, quote unquote, or gotten some rejection. And not taking it internally ’cause I sometimes get the tendency to internalize it. Oh, you didn’t know what you were doing. You shouldn’t have applied, you shouldn’t have done this and done that. Exactly. So, but instead, what I have learned over the two plus years that I’ve been doing this is whenever I get some form of rejection or quote unquote fail at something, I ask myself, what could I have done differently? What is the blessing in this? Because I truly believe that, there’s a blessing in everything. You just have to look for it and how can I use my failure to bless somebody else? So those [00:49:00] three things and yeah, that’s it for me.
Paula: I love it. I love it. Oh boy. We could talk forever here, but I want to be respectful to everyone’s time. So again, I want to thank all of you who joined us today, all you speakers from Friday and Saturday, who still found time to join me on the show today. I appreciate you. And for Constance and Sola, is Sola still here? Yes.
Turiya: She is still there.
Paula: Who joined us as a non-speaker, but still joined. Thank you. I appreciate you and Isioma also. Thank you Isioma. I want everyone to know that every Wednesday at [1:00] PM Eastern Standard Time, Chatting with the Experts TV show is on, and I always have. And you see I’m speechless. I always have a professional [00:50:00] woman and an entrepreneurial woman on to share her expertise with the mission of educating, inspiring and empowering women globally. So I hope all of you who are here today, if you can’t join us physically on Wednesdays, please invite someone to join us because it’s all about sharing, learning, and empowering women. And we have some men who join us. And, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you again for spending the last hour and four minutes with me. I don’t take it lightly. I. Thank you. Is a message here? Kudos and an awesome summit. Great job, Paula and Turiya. And yes.
Turiya: Thank you. Yeah, I was just about to say lastly, before everyone leaves, if you would like to have access to the summit recordings and all of the resources provided by the [00:51:00] speakers, make sure to grab the all-access pass. And so I just dropped the link inside of the chat for those of you who didn’t get to attend all of the presentations on both days, and you would like to get access to that, that’s available. Or if you would like to just go back and watch. That’s available for you as well.
Paula: Thank you. And enjoy the rest of the week. That’s one thing. We can’t get back time, so I’m respectful of your time. It’s [2:05]. Some of you have other appointments. I mean, we’d love to hang out here. I have nothing to do for the next, I have a meeting at [3:30] Victoria, but if you wanna keep hanging out here with us, please do so.
Turiya: Unfortunately, I do have to jump off, but take care everyone. It was great seeing everyone again.