Cost-Effective Conflict Management

Paula: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Chatting With The Experts Tv show with your host, me ,Paula Okonneh where i bring women from africa and from the caribbean and in the diaspora to share with you, you know, so many amazing things that they either do or they have learned in their life journey what i can assure you is that at the end of this episode you would have learned something new Because my guests endeavor to educate, inspire and empower women globally. Typically I have only women. I want to say 99 percent of the time it’s women, but I’ve had a few men grace the show and it’s always been awesome. So the title of today’s show is Manage Conflict Without Breaking The [00:01:00] Bank. And it’s about cost effective strategies to protect your revenue, your reputation, and retention.
My guest is an experienced attorney and conflict management strategist who has worked in change management, in litigation, and public leadership roles for more than 25 years. She is a conflict management expert, and she will give us, you and I when I say us, straightforward, cost effective strategies to handle workplace conflict so that you can protect your organization’s revenue, reputation, and retention. So with that, I want to welcome Tabitha Liburd to this episode of Chatting With The Experts. There we are. Tabitha, did I leave out anything?
Tabitha: You did not. [00:02:00] Thank you for a lovely introduction.
Paula: Oh my gosh, I should have said more because you are amazing. Your bio, I read it and I read it and I’m like, okay, I could talk for five minutes about her. So why don’t I ask you to embellish or add anything extra that you’d want the viewers to know about you.
Tabitha: Well, I have lived in seven countries.
Paula: Oh, yes.
Tabitha: Very exciting. Yes. I was born in Guyana, South America, and I did University of the West Indies, which took me to Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago. In addition to that, I have lived and worked in St. Kitts and Nevis on both islands of that sister island territory. And I’ve lived and worked in the Bahamas and Grand Cayman Islands before moving to the U. S.
Paula: Seven countries. Seven is a good number. It’s completion, right?
Tabitha: It is. It is. So here I am. [00:03:00]
Paula: Okay. So you’re a conflict management student. Strategist or expert.
Tabitha: Yes.
Paula: Talk about some of the, you know, things that you do. I know you’ve talked about how you help companies, organizations, small business owners uncover true conflict sources. Can you expand on that? What do you mean by that?
Tabitha: Well, many times we are looking at the situation from the outside in and we see an issue, but that may not always be the issue. We can’t see people’s intentions. We can’t see their needs, their fears, their desires, their motivations. We can only see what happened. And so I help people get to the root cause of the conflict by finding ways to talk and strategies to work with people so [00:04:00] that they can find out exactly what’s happening. Because when we go to the doctor, there’s a conversation first. We don’t just walk into the door and the doctor says, all right, I’ll give you this antibiotic and here’s an injection.
We first talk about what’s happening, we discuss our symptoms, and then the doctor makes an educated decision based on the symptoms that we have discussed. And so I like to say with conflict management, I encourage leaders, family members, anyone who is experiencing conflict to have some discussions. So that you know the symptoms. When you know the symptoms, then you can understand what’s happening. It’s easier to understand. Sometimes the conflict will show itself. People love to be consulted. [00:05:00] We like to be heard and understood. And once you start asking questions, as long as there is trust, people will share what the issue is, what’s bothering them. And then you can choose a strategy that fits the situation.
Paula: I love that answer. You say you know, there’s always a solution. Always a solution. So can you give us like one example?
Tabitha: Yes. Think about the situation where there are two people working. One person is… there are two people working, there is a launch coming and people are disagreeing on what may happen with this launch. How is the budget allocated? One person may be in marketing. The other person may be in [00:06:00] research, and it’s understandable that. Each person wants to do as good a job as they can to have a successful launch. Now, here’s what happens sometimes if I’m in marketing and you’re in research, we get to be thinking about things in a polarized way so that I’m not necessarily thinking my marketing is not blending in with what Paula is researching and vice versa.
And then there could be another layer. I could be concerned that as a woman of a certain age, my future at this company may be at risk. That could lead me to feel anxious and insecure, and it could affect how I interact with you while we discuss this launch. You may find that I am insisting on things, and I’m [00:07:00] being really hard line, and you could see that as a conflict. And indeed, my behavior could be creating conflict. If a neutral third party comes into the situation, and comes to have a talk with me. Where there’s trust, I can explain the concerns that I have related to marketing, and if I trust that person enough, I can even say, you know, I am really concerned about my future here at the company.
That’s an idea of getting to the root cause, because if I feel psychologically safe enough, To share that actually I am concerned about my future and that this launch, the success of this launch may impact the future that I have at the company. Then we [00:08:00] get to the root of the conflict. We can talk about my position at the company as a spin off item and get me situated where I feel psychologically safe. And then my interactions with you may be different.
Paula: I love that. So in other words, you’re taking into consideration the employee, the people, it’s more than just the business though, you know, a lot of people think about the bottom line, but you put into consideration the people who are the breadth and the moving parts of the company or the organization or the business. If you have happy employees, you’re going to have a comfortable and an inviting working environment for them and ultimately for you.
Tabitha: Yes, that’s what we’re doing when we’re looking at the, you know, the root causes of what’s happening. We’re looking at our people. Yes. [00:09:00]
Paula: I love that. All right. So people go into business most times to make money. Do you or does your company do anything to help like, you know, budget friendly solutions, things where money is concerned, because a business becomes a hobby if you’re not making a profit. So how do you work with that?
Tabitha: Yes. Well, I work with the first resource that’s available and that’s you.
Paula: Mm-hmm.
Tabitha: And that is and what I find is that sometimes we go looking for training, but if we look inward and we ourselves start to look at little ways that we can tweak how we do things, how we show up in the environment, how we work with our people, we may be able to retain our team [00:10:00] work in a way that is going to raise revenue without even sourcing training. So extending on that, if we say, well, what’s the resource that I have first available? That’s me. And that’s free. I would invite leaders to do things like conducting little surveys. A survey doesn’t have to be very technical. It doesn’t even have to be very sophisticated. There are some, and if those are available to you, then yes, use them.
Because anonymous surveys are indeed helpful if people don’t necessarily feel safe enough to say what they’re thinking or what they’re concerned about. But you can conduct sessions and gather feedback and gather honest input from team members. You start in the boardroom [00:11:00] and you work your way right across the company. You can hold little meetings to dig deeper into something. So let’s say you decide, well, my feedback is not going to be sophisticated. I’m just going to talk to people. Then you’ll go ahead and you start chatting with people in the break room or in the corridor. If someone says something that piques your curiosity or raises a red flag that you think warrants a deeper look, then I would suggest you have a little one on one with that person.
Invite them to coffee, whether in person or virtually, and just ask them about their concern and get their perspective on it. And when you start talking to people, you are going to see patterns in those feedback that you get, in the various pieces of feedback. So you survey, [00:12:00] you delve a little deeper with your one on ones, and you’re making your notes so when you start to see patterns, you engage with those patterns. You analyze them, think them through. And at that stage you can talk with an expert if you have one available, or you can do a little bit of research to see if there are recurring themes and common issues. Then you move to solutions. So we didn’t just start with solutions, we went through a process. And that is a budget friendly process that you can adopt in your environment.
Paula: Wow, I love that. Makes me think. It makes me think in particular because I had someone yesterday ask in a group chat, how can you create an anonymous group survey, if there are tools for [00:13:00] that. And you just mentioned that. Are there tools for that?
Tabitha: Yes, there’s one called Survey Monkey that is very widely used. And there are a few others that people have used successfully to get the pulse of their people. And it’s a very good thing because what I may say to you, someone else may not say because they might feel a little intimidating. Depending on what they think about their own situation at the company, or depending on how they may feel about us, or about themselves. They may not feel free to share. And so an anonymous survey tool is an excellent thing to use.
Paula: I love that because I wondered if there were any, I mean, don’t you have to put at least an email to identify yourself? How do you actually say what you want to say without, you know, [00:14:00] identifying yourself with at least one identifier like an email?
Tabitha: Yes. No, there’s some surveys that you just begin and I have taken part in some of them where you don’t need to put your email and I’ve used one of them. I just can’t remember the name now, but in my capacity as HR, I’ve used a tool and it was very well received. You just send a link to someone and they can rate. And in that tool, people could actually see the weighting of their answer. So you could see if what you said was a popular trend or if you’re an outlier, you’re the only person who felt this way. So it’s allowed the leader, HR and the employees to get a feel of what’s happening and how others feel. That was very useful.
Paula: Wow. Good to know. Okay. So, something else you [00:15:00] mentioned like peer mediation. Can you expand on that as well? What exactly is peer mediation?
Tabitha: Well, mediation is a wonderful tool for people to talk about what’s happening and see if there is a chance that it could be resolved. Mediation is a voluntary process.
Paula: Voluntary.
Tabitha: It’s voluntary.
Paula: That’s good to know because some people think when they hear the word mediation it’s like, you know, something that is out of their reach. These are two warring partners, you know, or people or peoples. So I love the word, the fact that you said voluntary. Okay, go ahead.
Tabitha: So we can agree first, to go to mediation or not go to mediation. If we agree to go to mediation, it is [00:16:00] hosted by the mediator who is a neutral party, not involved in the dispute. They are instances where people are allowed to choose their mediator, to select who is going to mediate. And once that happens, the mediator is someone who’s been trained on a process. And so there’s an opening, and then an introduction, and then the parties share, and then we talk about options. And then, after the parties hear the options that are generated, the parties get to see if there’s any one of those options, or any combination of those options, that suit them. And then that is a negotiation stage.
And then those parties can agree coming out of the mediation what they’d like to do, and they sign off on that. Now, [00:17:00] in organizations, there is a method of training members of the organization so that they can mediate. And so peer mediation wants people to feel safe in having the discussion conducted by one of their peers. That also is an extremely cost effective way of dealing with disputes because you train your team members one time, and then their mediation is like the gift that keeps on giving. It happens continuously after they’re trained.
Paula: It sounds to me as though that’s even more powerful.
Tabitha: Yes.
Paula: You know, it’s more powerful when you bring in peers. Now, to mediate, you’re not bringing in a third party or you’re not bringing in, I don’t want to say worse, like the boss [00:18:00] or you know, superior and workplace. So now, peer to peer, because they may be feeling similar things and just express, able to express it in ways that they both understand.
Tabitha: Yes. And you feel less intimidated that your boss can hear you express this fear or this concern or this desire, you know, or less intimidated that your boss may see you in a manner that’s not your best or not how you really wanted to show up to your boss, but you get to be yourself in the presence of your peers.
Paula: Oh, I love that. Now, does that lead to like, team building? Does that lead, do you have any, you know, strategies for like structured team building that for, you know, that the organization, the business person, the [00:19:00] company can implement?
Tabitha: Yes. I like bringing people together, whether virtually or in person. What I would say is check in with your team to get a feel of what they would like to do.
Paula: Check in.
Tabitha: Check in first. Companies spend so much money on team building solutions that may not be fully aligned to what the team wants and they show up because it’s a day off or time off and we get a ticket, you know, purchase to a location for these team building activities so they show up. But there may be other things that they would find more impactful. So ask them. Again, do a survey if you need to. But once you’re able to organize an [00:20:00] activity, look for something that is low cost. It doesn’t have to break the bank and involve them in it. A simple problem solving activity or a group project can be a team building activity. Even asking me to assist someone or asking someone to assist me on working on a company issue is a way to build our team because it helps us to appreciate each other and recognize gifts that we may not have seen before. So where I work in HR, I know exactly who to reach out to if I need something looking like a chart because this person is excellent with software.
And this person is excellent with computer security issues. And this one [00:21:00] is always going to give you a straight middle of the road answer, no fluff, but bringing the issue, crystallizing the issue for me. So I know the gifts of the people around me, and this makes me appreciate them even more. And I always reach out to them and work together with them. Sometimes I am invited to meetings where I may not necessarily have a skill. Sometimes I’m invited to meetings where I may not necessarily have a skill, but because someone has seen I may be gifted in that area, I’m invited. That is an excellent way of integrating me into a team and also helping me to feel valued. It didn’t cost the organization anything, but I felt valued and included.
And that also [00:22:00] is a team building activity. Scheduling check ins with people, opening lines of communication with people. Those are excellent ways of bringing people together because they feel confident when they’re in these situations that they are included and valued and they begin to feel a part of the team.
Paula: Inclusion and value. You know, we hear a lot about inclusion. What’s the diversity? DEI. I always try and remember. Fill it in for me. Inclusion.
Tabitha: Inclusion. Equity.
Paula: Equity.
Tabitha: And belonging now.
Paula: Mm hmm.
Tabitha: Mm hmm.
Paula: Those are big words we hear. These are phrases we hear all the time now. And so I know with what you’ve been a conflict management strategist, your aim is to create harmonious [00:23:00] teams.
Tabitha: Yes.
Paula: Right? Where they work together. You talked about the peer mediation, which I really love, because you’re bringing people who are peers, not one feeling, you know, more superior to the other, just based on the work or experience or position in the company. Yeah. But what are some simple steps in addition to that, that we can use to create those harmonious teams?
Tabitha: You can also look out for conflict in itself.
Paula: Mm hmm.
Tabitha: To create a harmonious team. You want to build something.
Paula: Wait, stop right there. You said you should look out for conflict? Are you saying like celebrate the conflict?
Tabitha: Well, I’m not saying celebrate it, but look out for it and pinpoint it because I like to say that conflict is like a hammer in the wrong hands it could be, it could break something. In skilled hands, [00:24:00] it can build something. And the choice is what we do with conflict and how we use it. Right? Conflict is inevitable. It is going to happen as long as we are all different as God has created us. We are not always going to agree on everything. We are going to react differently to stimuli and we are going to express things differently.
Our wants and desires and motivations will not always line up on a team. And so as long as we are different, there is going to be conflict. And so what I say is, look out for it, expect it to happen so that you’re not surprised that there is a collision, a disagreement, a contradictory idea, people are at variance or in opposition to each other, and don’t necessarily make it a bad [00:25:00] thing. Because where we are working in the same scenario. Our jobs are interdependent on each other, and there are times that we could feel angry, we can perceive the other person is at fault, or we or others can act in ways that cause a business problem. And so I say, look out for conflict, and when you see it, address it.
That also builds a harmonious team, because people will respect a leader who they trust, will not let anything happen that could harm them. I trust a leader who I know will intervene when there’s conflict so that my environment remains harmonious and does not become toxic.[00:26:00]
Paula: Trust the leader. Love that.
Tabitha: Yeah.
Paula: Trust the leader. Trust the leaders.
Tabitha: Yes.
Paula: Wow.
Tabitha: When people trust their leaders and they feel psychologically safe, they work better at their jobs, your company retains them, so your retention rate is good, you have a better reputation because the things they say about you in public are good, and because they are more productive, your revenue will also improve.
Paula: Wow, that is so good, you know, because they trust the leader.
Tabitha: Yes.
Paula: They will protect [00:27:00] your reputation. You’ll be able to retain them and your revenue will improve. Tabitha, where can people find you online so we could continue your… you can continue this conversation with them?
Tabitha: Anyone listening who would like to connect with me can find me on LinkedIn as Tabitha Liburd. You can also find my website, marshallduke. com, that’s Marshall with two L’s, marshallduke. com, where you’ll be able to read a little more about what I do and reach out to me. Through my website or on LinkedIn if you’d like to talk more and following me on LinkedIn will give you lots of free tips that you can use and implement without breaking the bank.
Paula: I was just about to say that yes, you do give a lot of free tips on LinkedIn. You’ve [00:28:00] had some webinars too, in which you have taught us. I’ve attended a few of them. I’ve learned so much about conflict management. From you and folks, it is indeed free. And so for those of you who would love to be a guest on my show, you can reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com, or you can contact me on LinkedIn. That’s one of the places I hang out the most on social media. Just look for Paula Okonneh on LinkedIn. I’m also on Instagram. My handle there is at chat_experts_podcast. And I’m on Facebook these days. And on Facebook just look for Paula Okonneh.
Tabitha, this has been awesome. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me [00:29:00] so much about how, you know, you as a conflict management strategist can help a business. As you said I want to make sure I got it right. Retain their staff. Improve their reputation and also increase revenue through doing what you outlined here. Thank you. Thank you again.
Tabitha: Thank you too for having me. I appreciate this opportunity. It’s been wonderful talking with you. Thank you.
Paula: It’s always great talking with you.