Emotional Intelligence and Cultural Communication

Paula: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of chatting with the experts TV show with me, your host, Paula Okonneh. Every week I bring to you amazing, incredibly smart women from Africa and the Caribbean and the Diaspora. And the mission is that at the end of this show, you, [00:01:00] our audience, would have left having learned something new or, been inspired by what you hear. Today, I’m going to be talking with my guest about Clear Communication and how it cuts culture. My guest is Monique Russell and she’s the global communication skill advisor that you want on your team. She teaches leaders and teams how to upscale and keep top talent engaged through strategic leadership development and has worked with big names like Amazon, Microsoft, Google, who hasn’t heard about them? And the Centers for Disease Control. And with that said, why don’t I have Monique introduce herself? [00:02:00] Welcome.
Monique: Hi, Paula. It’s so good to be back on the Chatting with Experts show. Oh my goodness. I grew up in the beautiful islands of the Bahamas and my dad is from Nigeria and just being in this space just gives me so much joy and so much honor because I know we get to talk about things we don’t normally talk about. But yes, I am the founder and CEO of Clear Communication Solutions. It’s a global training, coaching and consulting firm where we help keep top talent engaged so they don’t walk out the door and take the customers and all the knowledge and skills with them. And it’s a beautiful experience to have because when I grew up in the islands, I grew up with my mom, my stepdad and my two brothers.
And there were many times I felt like there were two families in the one home. You know, it was my mom and myself and then the others. And so when I met my [00:03:00] dad at eight, my biological dad at eight years old, I had to learn how to get into his culture. He’s from Nigeria. I had to learn how to engage with protocol and it took me a while. So literally my whole journey of communications, studying communications when I went off to college, has been driven by this need to unite families. And I thought to myself, if the people that I love the most in my families had the communication tools to foster unity and understanding and connection amongst each other, the entire game would be changed differently. So what I do today is help people to communicate effectively, develop the leader within themselves so that their workplaces and also their home lives are places that they feel proud of and enjoy.
Paula: I love it. I love it. How can you use communication, as you said, to cut across [00:04:00] culture, whether it’s within the home or in the workplace?
Monique: Yeah, at the core of communication, it’s really being flexible and being open to understand, like stepping outside of the rigid view of one way is right, the other is wrong. You know, having that moral superiority of feeling like you’re better than someone else. It’s really about cutting through the noise to the core of the human being and seeing every single person and their true element as humans. We all want to eat. We all smile. We all want to laugh at the core. We have the same needs, but what gets in the way sometimes is the cultural noise. And I say noise because culture, we love it.
It’s part of who we are. It’s part of what makes us unique as. individuals and communities, but when it becomes noisy it disrupts, distracts, and it disconnects us from each [00:05:00] other. So communication, cutting across the noise, cutting across cultures is really having an appreciation for your own culture, but having an appreciation for other cultures, knowing that the most consistent thing that you will experience is miscommunication. Even amongst the same culture, the same family, same friend circle, when you’re communicating or working on communicating effectively, one of the outcomes that you’re going to have is miscommunication. Now you add the cultural piece to that, and you for sure know that miscommunication is going to happen, but it’s how you choose to respond to it. Yeah.
Paula: And that’s a good point when you say how you choose to respond to it because I’ve been talking with a lot of people and sometimes when we talk about culture is not really as we say culture in the sense like I’m from the Caribbean or you’re from Africa, India, wherever. Sometimes it’s just differences in thought, and so [00:06:00] culturally, we may be in the same workplace and from the same country, but thinking completely differently. So a question I have for you is that, does emotional intelligence have a part to play in this?
Monique: Absolutely. 100 percent emotional intelligence is the core. It’s the foundation because it’s funny you say this, Paula, because you know what? I have been delivering a masterclass on Intentional Motherhood. Who said it would be easy? My book. I’ve been delivering this masterclass series and one of the topics that we talk about is self awareness, the whole identity of the role of motherhood. But I want to focus on what you talked about, just that emotional intelligence and self awareness piece, because when we are not aware, we are just living out by the default patterns that we observed when we were younger and patterns that we [00:07:00] absorbed and then we tend to pass that down to our children too unconsciously.
So when it comes to the whole emotional intelligence piece and understanding culture, you have to start understanding why you do what you do, you know, why you communicate or process things the way that you do. You start to investigate yourself. How did you communicate when you were growing up? Who made decisions in the home, where’d you go for vacation, what was play like, what was love like, what was achievement like. There was this topic around rest and work, hard work and rest. So let’s just play with that for a little bit. So in our society, there’s this cultural phenomenon that people who don’t do hard work or who are not engaged in hard work or productivity all the time are lazy.
And there’s an article that came out on Goop about the laziness lie, the laziness myth. And it’s about the [00:08:00] fact that people who are constantly productive are morally superior than those who are not productive, but this is a societal conditioning. It’s a societal belief. And if you don’t know where it comes from or how it generates in you, you’ll just find yourself saying, I want to rest, but I can’t, I find it so hard to slow down. Or when I’m resting, I feel like I’m lazy or I feel like I should be doing more. We hear the outcome of these beliefs, I should be doing more, I feel lazy, but we don’t, when we don’t understand where it generates, how it generates or how it shows up for us, then we’re just basically operating from the default.
And the same thing applies when you look at a cultural aspect and one environment, one corporate environment, there might be an expectation that if you’re not there from 9 to 7 p m., you’re not productive, you’re not working hard. Whereas someone else in another organization may [00:09:00] feel like, I don’t need to see you. I don’t need to see you. I just need to see your deliverables. So you see how this. This belief or this mindset, it not only shows up in your individual life, it shows up in your work life and your team life and how you lead your team and the expectations that you have for your team. But if you don’t even know where it’s coming from, then you don’t know how to address it. If it’s causing you challenges with connection and communication with the people that you work with and the people that you live with.
Paula: You know, that’s a very good point because I know myself personally. I grew up in a house where we were encouraged to be busy and rest was for people who were lazy. It took me years before I figured out that’s not exactly true. I do so much better when I’m rested. As compared to when I’m so exhausted because I’m feeling well, if I sit down now, it means I haven’t produced anything. I haven’t been able to check off all the boxes. And so [00:10:00] that was very interesting that you mentioned that culture of thinking, where does it come from? Because for me, I know it came from my formative years.
Monique: Yeah.
Paula: But, you know, I thought, you know, I heard you talk about that and some corporations, that’s even part of their culture. I was thinking that with COVID, after COVID, during COVID, we had, you know, most of us were working from home. Wasn’t that theory or that myth debunked?
Monique: You would think that it was debunked, but I mean, just look at all the requests and demands and requirements for in office presence because I don’t know if they’re productive. You see what I’m saying? So this is so powerful, Paula. I’m so glad that you’re bringing this up because it’s like COVID already demonstrated that people can do their work from home and get their deliverables done without being in the office. But when that emotional intelligence and that awareness isn’t present, it’s so easy to go [00:11:00] back to the default, even if you had evidence that belief and that thinking is counterproductive or it’s otherwise. You’ve already had proof. You’ve already had evidence, but what is it that’s causing you now to go back to that thinking to say, no, even if the data is showing me that numbers are up and productivity is up, I need people to be in the office. I need them to be able to come in the office in order to produce their work or in order to connect with others. Because that gap in awareness is missing. Instead, we could look at Okay, what do you really want? What is it that you really want?
Like peeling back the layers. And why are you feeling as though your team members can’t be trusted? Why do you feel you need to have people in the office? Now, if it’s a case where you’ve already paid for this commercial building lease, and you need people to be present, then say that, right? Again, emotional intelligence, transparency, interpersonal communication, trust, [00:12:00] integrity, and honesty say that be open with your people. You know what I mean? So I think that lack of awareness and not just the lack of awareness, but the lack of the awareness and the inability. To cement the new pattern or thinking or thought consistently to move forward prevents that person from adopting that new pattern or thought. They just automatically go back.
It’s like you start training for a marathon and you lose weight and you’re like, Okay, I already lost five pounds, so I good. Let me stop fasting. Let me stop You know, eating healthy, let me add some, a little bit more chips. And so you go back, you know, to those previous behaviors and those previous habits. You need to be able to integrate them into your day to day consistent practice.
Paula: I so agree with it because this was a conversation I had with a friend [00:13:00] of mine for the same thing about, you know, this call to go back to the office. This call that, you know, you must clock in knowing fully well that data, the data shows that you don’t need to be in a physical building and a traditional culture. I mean, the traditional workplace in order to produce, in order for there to be deliverables. And we, you know, wondered if it’s, of course, a generational thing, and thought it would be wonderful to see how this plays out with the Gen Zs and the millennials first, to see how, you know, in some years to come because a lot of resistance is coming from them. It’s coming from the millennials. It’s coming from the Gen Zs and I understand why.
Monique: Yeah, definitely. I mean, I have nieces and nephews who are in the multiple generational category. In fact, I mean, even in my own home, I have four different generations and I’ll say One of [00:14:00] my sons, you know, he’s in his early 20s, and he said, I prefer to be in the office. So I think especially for those in their first or second job, maybe it’s harder for them to Build that connection or do onboarding or even for themselves as they’re establishing discipline for themselves. It depends. Some say they don’t want to, some say they do. I know for me, if I’m in that scenario surely I don’t see why there’s anything that requires, unless you are doing tasks that require your physical presence.
You know, you’re,
Paula: Mm-Hmm,
Monique: , you’re hosting an in-person meeting. You’re hosting a in-person presentation. Unless there are specific things that require that I really don’t see why there is that effort and then you can also I’ve heard this conversation where people are saying they’re looking at the days that are being required for the office. So, [00:15:00] when the days that are being required for the office, or, for example, like a Monday and Wednesday, Friday it’s a different communication that you’re telling your potential employees and your current employees, which you feel about a longer weekend, for example, or a longer stretch of time at home. No, you’re not going nowhere. You got to get in here Monday, Wednesday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Paula: Yeah, like anchor in these, you know.
Monique: Correct. So yeah.
Paula: Oh, wow. That brings me to another question about cultural agility. What exactly is that I heard you talk about that, but I said, this is an opportunity for you to teach more of us about what that is.
Monique: You know, what I believe in is being able to understand, develop and understanding cultural agility and cultural flexibility. Really, that’s what it is. It’s about [00:16:00] being able to have a mindset where you are. approaching and embracing difference. So instead of just being passive and receptive to different environments, different change, different culture, it’s like you, you are taking on reverse mentorship roles, for example. So sometimes you might have a mentor who, let’s say it’s in a project management environment, and it’s very clear about the skill set that you want to learn. But you might be working with people in multiple time zones and in different countries, and you don’t even really understand or know much about their culture.
So you can take on a cultural mentor where you’re learning and your intention is to get curious about, you know, what they’re beliefs are, what their practices are, how do they handle these common scenarios? It doesn’t have to be something that is just, you know, very deep, but you start that process of [00:17:00] curiosity and you start that process of thinking, even in your interaction, you may have one way that you want this outcome to be achieved. But dealing with someone in another culture, you might now realize that there are multiple factors involved. And so being flexible in your approach and flexible in your conversation, it first starts with that curiosity and that openness to say, well, let me kind of find out what’s going on with them. What’s going on in their country, because whatever it is at the end of the day, we want to care about what they care about. People are people, and once you care about what they care about, you’re able to accelerate connection and you’re able to enhance your communication.
Paula: That’s a good explanation, really good. Once you care about what they care about, you’re able to enhance your production. Yeah.
Monique: It’s true.
Paula: You know, for years companies and lots of organizations [00:18:00] didn’t know that a healthy worker… when you start from the home, a happy worker means a happy office environment, which means better productivity in every aspect, you know, it’s so good to see how you know there’s so much more knowledge now about, you know, that leads me on to like mental health, and how even that how that transcends culture. Because the younger generation and I specifically say younger generation because my sister has been saying, please stop saying the young people we are still young. They’re just younger.
So, I mean, we’re not mental health experts here, but the younger generation has embraced mental health in a way that gradually they’re chipping away the stigma that goes along that’s associated with that, you know, and that is making such a difference [00:19:00] in, you know, work-life balance. In understanding that, you know, if you are healthy, spirit, soul and body, mind and body, you can do so much more. But as I said, culturally, that’s taken a while in some places to be accepted.
Monique: Oh my goodness. I was just talking about this just the other night with a friend. And we were talking about the same thing. And it’s basically how we can use words to accelerate the embracing and the understanding of it. Everybody knows that mental health is important, but especially in certain cultures there’s still a lot of shame and stigma and embarrassment. And, you know, there are trigger words, you know, psychologists, psychiatrists, depression, anxiety. No. I don’t have any of that. I don’t, right. [00:20:00] It’s no. Well that’s the way we were raised and we turned out just fine. No, you didn’t. You didn’t turn out just fine because you have people who you don’t talk to in your family. You have estrangement that’s going on and there are people who are waiting for honest, genuine apology, or to be acknowledged or understood and you feel lonely, you don’t feel valued and appreciated. So it didn’t work out. It didn’t work out. So I think that mental health is taking a while in some places to catch on in terms of being embraced. But if we just talk about it in language or use terms that doesn’t make them feel so afraid.
The goal is always to remove any type of shame or embarrassment or guilt because those emotions stifle. They kill. They disrupt productivity. They don’t help you to move forward. They just hold [00:21:00] you back. Like you’re a prisoner. You’re a prisoner of your own mind. So if we can find ways to remove any connections to shame, okay, you don’t want to be affiliated or connected with the word psychologist or psychiatrist. What about counselor? Is that okay? You know what I mean? So we have to find ways, I think, to still get the work done, but just change the approach. And that’s also where the cultural agility comes in too. If you know that going into this environment, certain terms are going to be a quick shutdown. Find other ways to connect, find other ways to explain, find other ways to to support, right? And that way the communication and the connection will continue.
Some people may say, I don’t have time for that. I just need to say it how I want to say it. Why do I have to think about the other side? Why do I have to, you know, make adjustments? But the truth is, you become [00:22:00] more flexible, you become more adaptable, you become more valuable and marketable in the marketplace. People are really wanting to have well being and wellness considered in the workplace right now. So teams and organizations and leaders that aren’t really taking this to the forefront, they’re missing out on an opportunity to truly be employee-centered and customer-centered because the customers are also on the receiving end of those employees who feel like I’m just a number, you know?
Paula: True. You have said it right. We talked about, you know, employees are people too. And, you know, your podcast, which I love it’s called Bridge To You. Are there any trends you are seeing in bridging those, you know, bringing those cultures together? I know the bridge to [00:23:00] you particularly was with looking at the three black cultures of the world, Africa, the Caribbean and the African-American, but I know that you work outside of those three cultures. But I’m wondering, are there any trends you’re seeing now in the communication between, you know, now the global boundaries are down, we know that we live in a non, well, the world is still global, but because of technology like what we’re using, global boundaries are more fluid. Are there any trends? That you’re seeing in the communication world that we should be aware of, especially as this program is good for women.
Monique: Yeah. So two things I first, I want to say something about the podcast, because I feel like it’s applicable to what we were talking about before. You’re right, the podcast was intentionally designed to focus on [00:24:00] diversity and inclusion among black cultures. And when my podcast producer and I were going through the words and the descriptions and, you know, just really like, cementing the positioning for the show, my initial reaction or my initial conversation was, I don’t want to use anything about black. I don’t want to use anything about black because I want to highlight and demonstrate that we are already living an awakened way of life.
But when we got down to the nitty gritty, I had to accept and embrace that if I wanted to target and attract and focus on who I wanted the message to initially before I had to use the word black. So that’s the whole like agility and the cultural flexibility and focus because in my mind, I’m light years away. I’m like, that’s just a label. I don’t even subscribe to the label I’m living in the [00:25:00] twilight world, if you will. But twilight world living doesn’t get me to connect with my audience, or it doesn’t allow me to have a practical experience or use language that they can receive right now.
So the second part around like the trends, global trends. Surely, there’s a lot of talk around environmental, sustainable, and governance topic, a lot of talk around that people are focusing on how they can demonstrate that they’re taking actions towards reducing climate change, pollution and being responsible in the environment and also how they are able to improve well being. I see a major trend, especially where leaders are paying more attention to the importance of having more women leaders in their teams. And they know that, listen, this is the way to go. This is definitely, the way of the future. So I see a lot of that because we’ve had significant decrease [00:26:00] of women leaders just around the world in different areas.
But the trend I see is focusing on how can we now even when I was in the Middle East last year, how can we now continue to the women leaders with the skills that they want to have to be developed and to lead effectively? So that would be one, one trend that I would say, you know, people are paying more attention to. The multi-generational conversation is also coming up a lot of people are thinking about how do we connect with the younger people? The younger people. Yeah. So the multicultural, multi-communication conversation is truly starting to stand out because like you said, we’re borderless. So it’s important for us, and then lastly there was an episode on my show, Marlon Addison did it, and we were talking [00:27:00] about the skills for Gen Z workers, and that was around sales, IQ and EQ, and in my work, especially when we’re doing coaching, group coaching and training. This topic comes up a lot. So how do you develop your Gen Z workers? What do they need to be effective in their first and second roles? And how do you help those managers to have compassion and patience while they’re developing them?
Paula: Love that. I love that. I think that kind of flows into, you know, how do you start training or making academia more aware of how, you know, your teaching methods have to change in order for that to impact the Gen Zs and the what’s after Gen Zs? Alpha, the Alpha. Remember all these things I’ve been told. Mom, you need to get it, right? Yeah. I mean [00:28:00] that comes into that’s another that’ll be another completely new show for me and you have that discussion of academia changing their ways of teaching in order to…
Monique: please. Please let me add to that too.
To the fact, yeah, what?
Paula: Yeah, in order to have, I mean, the generation that we want, or we strive to have, you know, the Gen Zs look at things so differently from the Millennials and Gen Zs are pretty close. The Alpha generation is up and coming and I’m a Baby Boomer. What’s between Gen Zs and baby boomers? I totally forgot. But these are all conversations that need to be had because we are living longer. Technology is enabling us to engage even longer and with more people. As you said, we are in a borderless world for the most part. And all of us have to live together.
Monique: Yeah. You are [00:29:00] right. Paula, you hitting the nail on the head. Like the nail is in the wood down. And I think this is so important because I also had a similar conversation with Dr. Les Longsworth, who had also was a guest on my show. And we talked about it recently too, about the importance of academia and industry coming together. Like there is a gap. There is a gap about what’s needed in the workplace when Gen Z workers are starting and how is academia preparing them for that? I will say University of West Indies has been very progressive in how they have always been, you know, ahead of the trend and sort of like merging. those two worlds.
But I see it in a way where, for example, curriculum and content like this, like your show, like my show are embedded into the academia conversation. That’s the easiest and simplest way for it to start, [00:30:00] like beginning to have those conversations and then cross pollinating. So for example, The university might be having an event, and then industry is also supporting that event with diversifying the content, diversifying the thought, and I think traditionally, what would happen is that you’d have apprenticeships or you would have like internships and placements here and there that’s the traditional okay go and try do a traditional apprenticeship or an internship but there isn’t really a two way symbiotic relationship.
It’s like we’re doing that apprenticeship so you can hopefully get a job when you finish. But the two way conversation needs to be symbiotic between the industry and the academia, influencing how we are actually learning and how we are actually like building all of the new solutions in the marketplace simultaneously. So I think you, you hit the nail [00:31:00] right on the head. I see my podcast Bridge To You as a resource for academic institutions. Because it’s a great place to start with conversation.
Paula: I’m talking about conversations, you know, you and I could converse for hours.
Monique: Correct.
Paula: Oh boy. And time. I can’t believe that we’ve been speaking for over 30 minutes.
Monique: Oh really?
Paula: Yes. So we will have to continue this on another show, another episode. And the interim for those listening now and who really want to get in touch with you because you have said so many things that they are interested in, how can they find you online, my dear?
Monique: Yes, everywhere online in the internet streets. clearcommunicationssolutions. com is one of my websites. moniquerussell. com. I’m on LinkedIn every week, most weeks. So you can hit me up on LinkedIn. Don’t follow, hit connect, send me a message and say you heard me on [00:32:00] chatting with the experts. I love connecting with people. So please reach out and let’s continue the conversation.
Paula: Absolutely. And for those, my loyal listeners, followers and viewers. Thank you so much for tuning in. You know where you can get me? Well, for those of you who don’t, you can connect with me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com. I’m on LinkedIn as Paula Okonneh. I’m on Instagram as chat_experts_podcast.And I’m making an effort to be more on Facebook. We just look for Okonneh there. And as usual, I have the most amazing guest and Monique has been no different. Thank you, Monique.
Monique: Thank you, Paula.
Paula: Always enjoy talking with you.
Monique: [00:33:00] Same.